Beer vs. Birdies: A Scientific Study in Swing Decline

We've all been there...

Hole 1: fresh polo, brand-new glove, perfectly clean clubs. You’re lining up that first drive like you’re about to qualify for the Masters. Confidence is at an all-time high. And then… you spot the beverage cart. Or your cart passenger pulls out a bottle of Vodka and says" It'll grease up your joints..."

And golf’s greatest tradition begins: slowly trading birdies for booze.

By Hole 3, your stance is still sharp, but there’s a koozie in your hand and you’re suddenly more interested in what your buddy shot than where your ball went. You hit a little fade, but it’s fine—you tell yourself you were “shaping the shot.”

By Hole 6, the fade has evolved into a banana slice, and your math skills are gone. Is that your 4th stroke? Or your 7th? Who cares—someone hand you another beer.

By Hole 9, you’re a philosopher. Staring at the green, you say things like, “Golf is just a metaphor for life, man. You chase perfection but it always rolls off the fringe.” Your buddy nods, cracks another Michelob, and four-putts.

By Hole 12, someone introduces fireball. Congratulations—you’re no longer golfing. You’re auditioning for America’s Funniest Home Videos. Every swing looks like a man fighting invisible bees. Every putt comes with a soundtrack of laughter and groans.

By Hole 15, rules of the game have been replaced with rules of survival. Lost a ball in the water? No worries—just throw another one down. Mulligans are infinite. Scorecards now feature more doodles than numbers.

And finally, by Hole 18, the once-majestic pursuit of par has devolved into a wobbly march back to the clubhouse. You can’t feel your putting stroke, but you can feel the nachos calling.

So, what have we learned? The correlation between alcohol and play quality is very real. The first drink adds swagger. The second adds confidence. The third adds chaos. By the fifth, you’re basically just conducting a field test in “how not to grip a club.”

But hey—that’s the beauty of golf. It’s not just about the scorecard, it’s about the laughs, the bets, the shanks, and the fact that somehow—despite everything—you’ll be back next weekend, swearing this time you’ll stay sober until the back nine.

Spoiler: you won’t.

Want to balance out all that beer with something productive? That’s where Prize Caddie comes in. We’re giving away awesome gear that might actually improve your game—assuming you don’t spill Coors Light on it first.